It's been awhile, I've been working through some stuff and writing about your shit while you're going through some of it is really hard. You have to fight hard against the depression and really keep going, just get things done. (First world problems,right?)

So today was my birthday, and I was grumpy about it. My friend Michelle at work even sent me this guy http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HrW2F6RgY1E/UZMEAmHmWzI/AAAAAAAAKn8/NFs3qdYilXA/s1600/happy_birthday_by_babsdraws.png  Great, right? I loved it, made my day, I may have even snorted. Anyway I was grumpy primarily because I expected to be some where else at this point and I have no clue why I'm not. I mean yeah I've had great, big, huge hiccups in life but still what is it that's been holding me back. Myself. I've been lazy, I've been afraid to do the work. Not sure why I have been but I have. This realization though started me writing tonight so I think that's a start in the right direction to start working on shit. Something has to get me writing again though, I feel like I've lost the biggest part of me. 

I was going through some old articles this weekend from when I was attending ACC and Editor In-Chief of the Arapahoe Free Press. I'm reading assignments, editorials and reviews and all I think is this person who wrote this is so foreign to me, where the fuck am I? 

I know a lot of people have been wondering about the name change. Those of you I've grown up with and met over the last few years know me as Beverly or Bev, and  you can keep calling me that, I like to keep where I came from, it's me. But, I've never liked the name. I have no connection to it what so ever, I honestly don't understand how my parents, my parents named me that, it's such a heavy name for a baby. And my Aunt's name is Beverly. Let's just say we don't mesh and leave it at that. Being named after someone you live your life being called "little" and "other"(not my kid though, she's just Cyd ,the one and only), but that's mostly because of my Grandma, I think I just figured out why I don't like my name, my Grandmother....but that's another story for another time, actually that's a therapy session and medication. Anyway, I just felt like I needed to get back to being me and my middle name, Christine, just feels right, it fits, it's me. That name makes me feel good about myself, it brings me back being me and has started to open writing back up to me. 

Honestly this is probable the best  birthday I've ever had, at a really tough time, but something amazing is going to happen.

*Thanks for the best day Cyd, you made it better. <3 Mom

11/5/2013