American Loneliness

This morning I was listening to NPR while in the shower and one of the segments really caught my attention. It was from NPR's podcast Hidden Brain. They were discussing loneliness, particularly loneliness of men. It struck me as odd because I had been thinking about loneliness in general and how we tend to start isolating ourselves as we get older, we tend to stay in our own little comfort zones and do what we do where we are at, but I had never really thought that men would be lonelier than other groups.

In a way it makes sense if you really think about it, society in general teaches men that having feelings or discussing feelings and being vulnerable is a huge sign of weakness and as they say in the podcast, unmanliness. Is society isolating men by teaching them to rely only on themselves? In a big way I really think that we are, by not just being there for someone of the opposite sex I think that we have closed off a big part of friendship. How can we expect our society to move forward when this is the message that we are putting out there to our male population? Also, how can we expect these men to be communicative in not only friendships, but in romantic relationships?

Really we can't. Men are taught that actually sharing feelings and saying what you want and need is not what men do, as a man you're supposed to suck it up, pull it together yourself, move past it and be a real man. Women on the other hand are taught to be open, vulnerable and figure out what happened and communicate it, to fix it. I think that might be because women have to nurture. But why does society frown on men nurturing? That should be the bigger question, men should be taught to nurture each other and others because the lack of nurturing brings up another issue: lack of affection.

Our bodies have a sense of needing affection. Not getting physical contact can lead to loneliness, depression, stress and health problems. Seriously, if all we have to do to stave off heart issues is hug, we as a society better get on it, and honestly, I can think of nothing better than how a good old fashioned hug feels. You know the ones that feel really good from someone that you like or who just knows how to hug, the ones that you can just fall into. Those are great, yeah we need more of those in the world. Really, it's scary that there is something out there called skin hunger that can be solved by just a little contact.

I also think that women suffer from more loneliness than before too, and I think a lot of that has to with the way that we communicate with each other: texting. Before texting I would call my best friend at least once a week if not more and I would see her at least three times a month if not more. I know that a lot of it has to do with our lives changing, kids etc., but I also know that a lot of it has to do with the texting. I know that I can call my friends,but sometimes it's just easier to text and in a way that's good, at least we're keeping up with each other, but at the same time, it isn't the same as having a conversation, we dig deeper and understand each other better when we have conversations and can convey feelings, which gets lost in texting, plus really do you want to have a good laugh in text or share it with someone? I prefer to share it with someone.

Hopefully by being aware of loneliness and lack of affection, we can start to do something about it. Start a conversation with a neighbor or call an old friend and get together, get into something together. We can't make it in the world if we're only thinking in terms of oneness, we need each other.

*You can find the link to the Hidden Brain podcast here and a few other articles about loneliness and lack of affection. If you have any ideas for a future blog or just want to comment,leave it below and follow me at ChristineLarran@Twitter.com