It's been awhile, I've been working through some stuff and writing about your shit while you're going through some of it is really hard. You have to fight hard against the depression and really keep going, just get things done. (First world problems,right?)

So today was my birthday, and I was grumpy about it. My friend Michelle at work even sent me this guy http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HrW2F6RgY1E/UZMEAmHmWzI/AAAAAAAAKn8/NFs3qdYilXA/s1600/happy_birthday_by_babsdraws.png  Great, right? I loved it, made my day, I may have even snorted. Anyway I was grumpy primarily because I expected to be some where else at this point and I have no clue why I'm not. I mean yeah I've had great, big, huge hiccups in life but still what is it that's been holding me back. Myself. I've been lazy, I've been afraid to do the work. Not sure why I have been but I have. This realization though started me writing tonight so I think that's a start in the right direction to start working on shit. Something has to get me writing again though, I feel like I've lost the biggest part of me. 

I was going through some old articles this weekend from when I was attending ACC and Editor In-Chief of the Arapahoe Free Press. I'm reading assignments, editorials and reviews and all I think is this person who wrote this is so foreign to me, where the fuck am I? 

I know a lot of people have been wondering about the name change. Those of you I've grown up with and met over the last few years know me as Beverly or Bev, and  you can keep calling me that, I like to keep where I came from, it's me. But, I've never liked the name. I have no connection to it what so ever, I honestly don't understand how my parents, my parents named me that, it's such a heavy name for a baby. And my Aunt's name is Beverly. Let's just say we don't mesh and leave it at that. Being named after someone you live your life being called "little" and "other"(not my kid though, she's just Cyd ,the one and only), but that's mostly because of my Grandma, I think I just figured out why I don't like my name, my Grandmother....but that's another story for another time, actually that's a therapy session and medication. Anyway, I just felt like I needed to get back to being me and my middle name, Christine, just feels right, it fits, it's me. That name makes me feel good about myself, it brings me back being me and has started to open writing back up to me. 

Honestly this is probable the best  birthday I've ever had, at a really tough time, but something amazing is going to happen.

*Thanks for the best day Cyd, you made it better. <3 Mom

11/5/2013 

What's What

I'm sitting here listening to Bob Marley sing "Duppy Conqueror" and thinking about my ghosts, because that's what the song is all about, getting through your ghosts and being free to live your life.

I know what most of you are thinking and that's like what does this all have to do with this blog? It has such a happy title. 

Well for the most part it will be. I'll try to tell funny stories about my reality and the world etc. Basically though I'm just gong to write. I need to get back in the groove, I've let  it go for much too long. So please bare with me while me and my old friend get re-acquainted 

I decided to pay homage to my dad with the title. When I was little and we lived in Albuquerque, I used to get up early to watch Rocky and Bullwinkle with him; even if he was busy still getting his lunch or what ever together, he'd always stop what ever he was doing and he'd watch Mr.Peabody and Sherman with me. It's one of my favorite memories. 

My old man loved t.v. and movies. If he had a love affair outside his relationship with my mom it was movies and bicycling. I inherited that from him. I absolutely love movies. My dad would always discuss shows and movies with me. It was something that we shared. Which is probable why I want to make movies now. 

I know what some people are thinking, why now, why not years ago? Sometimes things don't always go as planned and I think everyone has dreams. I think your never too old to make you're dream a reality and wouldn't it be a mistake to never do it? I don't want to live with that nagging what if, what if for the rest of my life. I want to at least said I tried. 

Looking at the word tried all I can think is I really don't like the word try, any form of it really. Why? Because of a little three foot Jedi Master. I kid you not, what I think of when I see the word try is Yoda and I can here him clear as a bell in my ears, "Do or do not. There is no try." So I have to do.